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About Varied / Professional Member PirateYouthMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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Reflecting back to the kind of person I was in college just a few years ago, I have started to realize that the period of my life in which I was free to explore ideas and had time to learn copious amounts of information I enjoyed is over. Rewind two years ago- I was living in a boat barn in a state I had just moved to, working two jobs, and doing freelance work on the side. Despite the crazy hours, bugs the size of pancakes, intense humidity and heat, terrible treatment by patrons at work (Starbucks- need I say more?), and being 2000 miles away from my fiance, I still made time to work on improving my artistic skill. I even made time to do things I enjoyed outdoors, such as fishing and swimming. Even after my marriage, life carried on in a new, but normal pattern. Work, art, wife, friends, etc. It was my belief that if I became better at digital painting I could become a concept artist, and also write and illustrate my stories on the side. Retrospectively, I see now how foolish and ignorant I was. Let's face it people, I'm not a fantastic artist. I have some skill, but I'm no Dave Rapoza (to name one of thousands of artists with skills to pay the bills). With my move to Texas last year, I still held out hope that I could get a job that I could truly be passionate about, and could support both my family and my story publishing aspirations on the side. However, "The way is shut" said the door of life to the dreaming youth. I am not surprised that no companies returned my calls or applications. Concept Artist positions, Art Teacher positions, Graphic Artist positions, even Assistantships- all doors shut. I simply wasn't (and am probably still not) worthy for the positions I think I would most enjoy. Feeling cornered, I took the only job offered to me- a temporary graphics position at a jewelry company. Despite being driven to near madness by the monotony of the position, I still had hope- continuing to practice digital painting and drawing. I still had an out, knowing that I could move on after my contract ended. Not long afterwards, my wife and I found out we were expecting our first child. This is where the record of life skips and squeals against the vinyl, and never quite plays the same tune afterward. Cornered again, I took a permanent position with the very same company I had so desired to flee from. What other choice does a man have when their unborn child is making their wife sick and unable to work in the way she had previously?Someone had to bring in the bacon, even if one knows they are walking into a bear trap. A black door stood before me and after entering, I have not been the same person. Since that fateful decision, I have been more stressed, frustrated, starving for creativity, and hopeless than ever. Add the care of a tiny human being, and a student wife, and one has no other option than to resolve themselves to daily bondage. Salary, benefits, deductibles, life insurance, car registration, identity insurance, vacation days, bills, child care, home maintenance- these become the rhythm of one's pathetic American middle class life. A once defiant passion lived in me, crying out to deny the rulership of others and pursue the dreams so desperately wanted in years past. As I have come to learn, that too has nearly died. I am no longer able to make choices for myself in the ways I once did, or spend time in concentrated study. My time is most certainly not my own, and my choices are determined by what I see to be best for my family-not myself. (which has led me to be near bat-F crazy over the past year) I have wasted away from the person I once was, and have been transformed into every other middle aged man I know now. I hate my job, but go to work every day just for my family. I come home and spend my free time with them so I'm not neglectful or selfish. I wake up and do it again and again and again. Each day I become less and less and less like the person I want to be, and more and more like a person I don't recognize. Tomorrow is another work day. Another day to "put in my time" (in the gulag) and waste another day of breath- a stranger to myself.
  • Mood: Suffering
  • Listening to: Sirens
  • Reading: Harry Potter: book 1
  • Watching: Dexter/Psych
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas
  • Eating: Cookies
  • Drinking: Wine


PirateYouth's Profile Picture

Artist | Professional | Varied
United States
I am a traditionally educated artist currently living in Dallas, TX. For now, I work as a graphic artist in order to pay the bills.
Ideally, I want to establish a creative team, producing graphic novels and other literature. I hope to one day self-publish my work, and aid others in doing so as well.

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Zaen Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Sir I do believe your deviantID very creepy. It leads me to believe you've been hanging around the Elder Gods a little too much. Also i'm curious as to if you have to brush your teeth anymore or maybe your face tentacles?
PirateYouth Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Professional General Artist
No, not really, just hanging out with my oods. :)
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Ferdinandd Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010  Student
I really like your work too. ;)
PirateYouth Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010  Professional General Artist
SkyLoverMeg Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009
i like ur DA id!!
Sagittor Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2008   Photographer
:iconthankuplz: ;)
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